someone get that fucking seahorse.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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