And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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