standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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