i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
