youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just high enough for therapy.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize