I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Randomize
