My first STD was from a foam party
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
