you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
