my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
