that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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