I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
