i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
