Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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