It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Let's paint friendship bongs
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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