i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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