You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
