My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
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