first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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