I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
