dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
