On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Drake has all the answers
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
