WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
