By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
