Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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