No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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