fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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