Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
