she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
