you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize