I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize