the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i dont even know how to be here
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
