I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
