there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
