Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Damn victory sex feels great
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
