I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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