there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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