Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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