A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize