He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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