It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
