are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
