9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
