My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
