I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
