I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
