After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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