Screwed.edu
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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