honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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