I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So much Jack, so little girl.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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