can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
