Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
