So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
