Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
