i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
