well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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