um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
