Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
