it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
