he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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