he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
