Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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