Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
