What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm like, not good at living.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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