Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
