You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
