would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize