Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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