break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
accomplished twins. life is a go
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
