I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
