You made me cry and you don't even care
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
