also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
