My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
from now on my penis is your penis
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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