Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
