Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
