It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize