that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
