i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
