i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
