I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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