The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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