Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
