I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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