Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
