i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
