I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
