Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
