she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
