Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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