I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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