I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
