how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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