Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
