Small penises have feelings too.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
