ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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